No matter how proficient I am, how prepared I am, and I take pride that no one out prepares me. I always have this self-doubt, and it’s like this inside voice that says to me, “You’re not good enough. You don’t know what you’re doing. Oh my gosh, this is wrong.” Or “I should be at Bloomingdale’s selling cosmetics at the counter, introducing the new spring shade.” I have this inside chatter that I hear that I constantly sometimes question what I’m doing. And I think that you’ve got to put that in its own little lane, in its own little box and stay on task. So when your little voice inside your head causes you to self-doubt yourself and what you’re doing, don’t let it hinder your progress. Put it away. Recognize it for what it is, and push through and that confidence when every time you push through that self-doubt, that confidence just reinforces that you are where you’re meant to be and you’re doing what you need to be doing, and you’re doing it right.
And there’s this thing I read called the imposter syndrome. And particularly women have this where we think we’re not good enough, or we think we should have done this differently, or we should have done it better. And it’s okay to deconstruct something like after a deposition. It’s not bad to go back and say, “How could I have been more effective?” Or “How could I have done this differently?” But that’s different than self-doubt. That’s just learning from your mistakes and growing as a trial attorney and as a person. But you’ve got to learn to reframe those negative thoughts. That imposter syndrome and this confidence that I’m talking about is crucial to do that. So don’t judge yourself. Keep pushing through. Understand that everybody goes through this no matter what your profession is. When I talk to my friends and say, “Well, do you ever doubt what you’re doing or doubt yourself?”
And they’re like, “Oh my gosh, all the time.” And no matter how many times I’ve picked a jury or how many opening statements I’ve given, every morning before trial, I have a tummy ache. I have shpilkes thinking, “Oh my gosh.” And I think it keeps me focused on what I’m there to do. I put it in this little place that self-doubt, and I keep chugging forward like a Mack freaking truck. You just keep going, keep going. And as long as you don’t lose sight of that goal, let the self-doubt fall away, get that confidence, and just go for it.
